My Saviour
by bexie25
Summary: Before Alice, Jasper was filled with self-hatred. They meet, she shows him another way and they find their true place in the world. But when their family and life as they now know it is threatened by Jasper's past, will they be able to pull through? Will Jasper become the warrior he's tried to suppress and prepare his family? Or are they doomed for death? JPOV of Reason to be Sane
1. Self Hatred

**Hello Everyone**

**Here's the companion piece to Reason to be Sane. Because it's a companion, you don't need to have read Alice's POV "Reason to be Sane" but I would hope that you'd like to..**

**This is partially pre-written and I will try to keep it that way. Because of the scheduling system I have, this lovely story falls onto the once a week updating.**

**This is an all Alice and Jasper story. You know how in Eclipse we here about their first meeting and the fact that Maria came once and it didn't end well? And then the meeting with the Cullens after Alice wakes up? Well... this is that story... but I've taken... well, a few liberties.**

**That also means... No Bella. However, as mentioned in Reason to be Sane, there will be a sequel and that's when Bella comes in. I've kept from my previous readers what the sequel is going to be about and even the name of it, so... **

**:D**

**Each chapter will be titled with the most powerful emotion in the chapter. For instance, here it's self-hatred. **

**I'll see you down the bottom... but for now, here's Jasper. **

* * *

I hated myself.

It was cruel, what I did to others.

Hunting them…

Scaring them…

Drinking their blood…

Draining them of life and then hiding their body as if they were nothing…

It was torturous.

I could feel everything that they felt… the fear, the pain, the desperation… and I did not _need_ a vivid imagination; I did not _need_ to try and guess what was wrong to know.

I already knew.

_Fear _because of what I was… their natural instincts as a vampire's prey was to be shocked to fear… to be unable to move because of that fear.

_Pain _because of the venom that was running through their veins, burning them from the inside out… making it impossible for them to move… to fight… to scream.

And _desperation _because they knew what was going to happen… they knew they were going to die and as much as they didn't want it to happen, they also knew that it would not be stopped. They only prayed that it would end quickly.

It made it all the easier to kill them… to drink their blood.

Each time I did so, I felt worse about myself. It was like I was going into a depression…

I truly, truly _hated _myself.

I was a monster; I had no right to live, to do what I was doing.

I left Peter and Charlotte after a while, for a number of reasons.

Mostly because I could not handle doing what I was doing to my fellow humans… fellow because I used to be one of them…

… but there was no trace of the man that I used to be anywhere in me.

He was gone.

In his place was this… this _thing_… this _vampire_… a monster of the night.

But to my surprise, it seemed that God _did _love someone no matter what… because in leaving Peter and Charlotte… and coming to Pennsylvania, I found my saviour.

My saviour may have had quirks of her own, but that did not matter.

She was the single most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Black, pixie-cut hair… short… framing her face.

Pixie features; an adorable elfin nose, cute little lips… and her eyes… they held a knowledge that no one else had.

She had the gift of sight; of seeing things before they happen.

She was God's gift to me… a gift that I would cherish forever.

She gave me a reason to live… though she said I had given her a reason to be _sane_ for the first year of her life.

This is my story. This is how I found her and how we found the life we were destined to have… me with my little pixie darlin'.

Though I'd never call her that to her elfin face.

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**Just so you know, the chapters will be around 500 words - 1500 words at the max. Sometimes I'll cut them in between or down to around 500 because I think it's appropriate.**

**Now, please review and tell me what you think! See, it's so easy for you to do so now! Just look there, down below! *Looks there down below* **

**See you next week for the second chapter!**

**bexie25**


	2. Intrigue

**Here's the next chapter.**

**Thanks to those who reviewed, but it took a while before they started coming in. Only two in a week. Please review if you have alerted the story and you like it. I wanna know what you're thinking about it.**

**Also, here's the banner link: s1108 . photobucket albums / h411 / bexie25 / Banners%20for%20Stories / ?action=view¤t=MySaviourbanner . jpg**

**What do you think of it?**

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What I was doing here, I had no idea.

In Pennsylvania, without anyone to keep me company – like Peter or Charlotte – and on a somewhat sunny day… I was going to go into a diner.

What was I thinking?

Of course it was too sunny, but to surround myself with human when I had not fed in a way was a very bad idea.

For some reason, however… I was drawn to this diner.

Something was calling to me.

Or rather… some_one_.

Who? I had no idea. But there was just a certain feeling of need that surrounded the diner.

I walked inside hesitantly, the bell chiming to signal my entrance.

Holding my breath, I tasted the emotions around me… partially involuntarily, partially as a self-defence mechanism.

I looked around at different people and as usual, people with the same type of feelings were sitting somewhat close.

Vibes washed through me, invisible lines from all different directions telling me who was feeling what.

_Sadness…_

_Fear…_

_Deceit…_

_Happiness…_

And then, there was one…

_Giddiness and love…_

I sucked in a deep breath. Love… the feeling had me practically drawn to this person.

But what was more was that they were much more potent than the other feelings in the room.

So it was a vampire, then.

I inhaled carefully, making sure that it was not Maria or someone that I knew of that I did not want to find or be found by…

But instead, I inhaled the most magical… _beautiful _scent I had ever smelled.

It was a very natural scent… earthy, somehow.

I was enraptured.

But I did not look up and around for this person.

I didn't know why I felt so drawn in the first place… it was only a woman… a vampire.

I sat down in a secluded area of the diner, hoping to find at least _some _privacy and closure.

Looking around outside, I looked for traces of Maria.

When I twitched nervously in my seat, the feelings of worry and intrigue came from the vampire and again I, myself, was intrigued.

Why were they worried?

Why were they intrigued?

I was shocked by how worried and intrigued _I _was by their feelings… I couldn't afford to become so majestically caught up.

But I was… and I did not like it.

I could feel her eyes on me… feel the smiles she gave as she looked at me.

But, at half an hour after my entrance, I could not take it any longer.

I looked up and around, meeting eyes with the most beautiful woman – vampire or otherwise – that I had ever encountered.

She had pixie-cut, jet black, shining hair… she was quite petite, probably only standing up to around 4"10' at her highest.

Her eyes were black; making me wary… she had not hunted in a while.

She got up and walked towards me, practically dancing as she walked… bouncing excitedly.

* * *

**It's getting exciting now!**

**Just to tell you, this WILL be longer than Reason to be Sane. The reason for that is because I want to draw it out on what Jasper is thinking and feeling, especially in the beginning because he's had the harder time in his vamp years. Yes, Alice doesn't remember, but she had reason and direction through her visions. Jasper thought there was no hope and then there was Alice.**

**Anyways, I'm rambling!**

**See you next week and PLEASE review this time!**

**bexie25**


	3. Perplexed

**Hello!**

**Sorry this is a little later than usual! I actually forgot to upload it this morning because I was going out 0_0**

**Anyways... so yeah, I'm sorry.**

**Thanks to the FIVE people who have reviewed over the last three weeks. I hope you like this, and review this chapter as well :)**

**See you down the bottom...**

* * *

She got up and walked towards me, practically dancing as she walked…

And when she sat down across from me, she was smiling and bouncing excitedly.

Was she alright?

I had never seen a vampire this _giddy _before.

It was… it was strange, more than that… it was abnormal!

I grew immediately wary of her, watching intently…

What was her business here, in sunny Pennsylvania?

And why did I hope, more than anything else, that it had something to do with _me_?

That was preposterous… she did not know _me_!

But a voice inside me, deep within me, said that she did.

I told _it _to bugger off.

That that was ludicrous.

Still… I hoped.

Reassuring feelings washed through her, pointed directly at me.

And then she spoke… and I was caught up by the sound of her voice…

"You've kept me waiting a long time," she whispered, looking at me.

I was immediately confused. What was she talking about?

But, my manners got the best of me.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," I said, having no idea why I was even saying the words.

She seemed as pleased by the sound of my voice as I was of hers.

She stuck out her hand. "I'm Alice."

I was perplexed, but I couldn't resist the need to touch her… the urge.

I shook her hand carefully. "Jasper."

She smiled. "I must admit," she said sweetly, her voice bell-like… child-like…

_Enchanting._

"You look a lot better in the flesh than you do from my visions."

Visions?

_Visions?_

What on _earth_ was she talking about? Visions? Of what?

I frowned, tilting my head as I tried to figure her out. "Visions?"

She was scared then; wary… worried of my reaction, perhaps?

I wished…

"I see the future," she said carefully, worried as to how to move on.

I guessed, apprehensive and confused... if she had, what could she have seen?

"And you saw me?"

She smiled, happiness washing through her then, self-reflected. "Yes. The day I woke up."

This only made me need to know more.

"When did you wake up?" I asked before I could help myself.

My guard was thawing… I felt as if I could connect with her.

It was her turn to be apprehensive then.

"A year ago today."

_That_ surprised me… and confused me. She had enormous strength if she could sit here breathing… which she was.

I, myself, was too… but only shallowly.

And that was after eighty years.

"How are you keeping from murdering everyone in the room?" I asked quietly, regarding my voice and those who watched us with curiosity.

When she replied, her voice was lower too... but it still rang out to my eyes, above everything else as I concentrated _solely _on her.

"I live off the blood of animals. I barely notice the humans right now; I'm focusing on you."

Pride swelled in my being as I rose my eyebrows, a smile twitching at my lips, wanting to show.

"I feel something for you," I said slowly… wondering how she would take the news.

She took it well… too well.

She started bouncing and smiling again, and her excitement… giddiness… _relief _hit me like a tidal wave.

I had the sudden impulse to run around the room, jumping up and down…

… on my head.

I groaned and she immediately grew concerned.

"What's wrong, my darling?" She asked sweetly… it was as if a load had been lifted from her… relief was paramount within her, yet it was softer than before…

I smiled a small, careful smile. "I feel others emotions and yours are making me ridiculously giddy."

She smiled and giggled, and I reveled in how cute the sound was.

Wait, what?

_Cute? _

Did I just think the word _cute_?

Her next words shook me from my perplexed thoughts.

"Just so you know," she said and I could tell that she was trying to calm herself. "I feel something for you too."

_Love _swelled within her.

We merely smiled at each other.

"Let's get out of here," I said, aching to talk to her privately and we got up from our seats, taking each other's hand…

We walked out together.

* * *

**Alright... there's that chapter. It seems I have to prewrite some more chapters... only two left... :(**

**Good thing I only update once a week, though.**

**Thanks to all those who have alerted and favourited this story. May I ask that you go one step farther and join the five people that have reviewed... some have even reviewed both chapters. :) (Thanks!) **

**So yeah... hopefully we'll get more than one review this week...**

**See you next Saturday (in the morning, this time)**

**bexie25**


	4. Wonder

**Hello**

**So, we got one review this week - thank you to that reviewer, I believe you've reviewed all the chapters so far. There are actually a fair amount of readers for this story so please don't be shy. I need to know what you think about what's going on. If I don't get as many reviews then the chapters will only really come out slower as I have a lot of stories to update through my schedule.**

**Thanks and enjoy this chapter. Anyone who reviews gets a sneak peek of the next chapter. :)**

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We did not lead each other as we walked out and rounded the corner…

Still hand in hand – something that I found myself _needing_ – we sped off in vampire speed, running.

There was no one watching us…

Even if there had been they would not have seen us as we used our maximum speed.

We sped through the town, only stopping at the edge of a clump of trees.

I looked at Alice, and she looked at me before Alice walked through the trees.

I followed her without a conscious thought.

A feeling of smugness went through Alice and I wondered for a moment where _that _had come from.

We walked, in silence, for a while through the forest…

It had a plethora of animals and I was grateful for a moment that I could not sense their emotions.

I would have certainly been overwhelmed if I could.

Suddenly, we came across a herd of elk and Alice raced off toward them… tackling a male.

I flinched, a sudden wave of protectiveness washing through me.

When she was finished, she threw him down then turned around to face me.

She was certainly beautiful while hunting, her muscles nearly singing in their strength.

But it was her eyes that shocked me… overwhelmed me…

They were… they were_ golden._

_Butterscotch…_

How could they be? She was definitely a vampire, a very beautiful one at that but… her eyes…

I sped toward her, suddenly in front of her without a conscious thought… This was need. Instinct.

I lifted my right hand carefully and, barely touching her, traced where the bruise-like purple shadow had been just a few moments ago.

I was mesmerised as I started into her eyes… enraptured by them.

"So… beautiful," I said, swallowing back all the feelings of love and want and need that flooded through me… shocking me in their depths, their ferocity.

A wash of desire washed through her body and I nearly moaned at the feeling.

Then suddenly, it was gone… she had stopped it in its tracks, apprehension and concern taking its place.

She stretched up on her tippy toes and for a moment I thought she would kiss me, my body singing at the possibility…

But she did, instead leaning in to whisper in my ear…

"Go; follow the herd and feed," she said softly, lovingly. "It may not be as good as humans, but it's better than being a murderer. We will talk about everything after you hunt, my love."

Her love?

_Pleasure_, like a siren, came over me…

"Your..." I struggled to say the word, happiness flooding through my being. "Love?"

I smiled at the thought; oh, how I wanted to be her love.

When I looked back at her, or rather focused on her, she was smiling. "I had hoped that that would be what you are to me."

And then she caressed my cheek, and her touch had me reeling.

It was ecstasy; simply amazing.

Then she kissed my cheek, walking backwards.

She looked at me for a moment before cocking her head in the direction of the elk.

Following her wordless lead, I raced after the elk, intent on finding them and drinking their blood.

And for the first time, I didn't feel like a monster.

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**:)**

**She's influenced him so much already, don't you think?**

**Tell me what you think - and don't forget, the people who review get a sneak peek of the next chapter!**

**See you next week!**

**bexie25**


	5. Realization

**Hello**

**Thanks to those who reviewed. Still not as many as what I was hoping for, but we're getting there. It was, however, the second-most reviews we've had for this story. 3 reviews!**

**A reviewer – you went anonymous, so I couldn't reply – told me that the story was a bit too much like Reason to be Sane. I can understand that, but it has to be relatively the same. The actions performed by the characters and the conversations have to be the same because this story is really only Jasper's POV of Reason to be Sane. The only thing that can be different is Jasper's thoughts, and they are quite different from Alice's methinks. Does that explain things? **

**Anyways… on with the chapter!**

* * *

It was amazing, unexpected.

As I tackled one lone elk, a part of me waited for the frantic and scared thoughts.

But then I realized…

It wasn't going to happen. These were animals; I wasn't taking the life of a human – I wasn't the monster that I once had been.

The other part of me reached out for Alice and I noted that she was feeling perfectly content, well…

_Happy._

And somehow, I knew – without needing it to be confirmed – that that was because of _me_.

When I was done, I copied what Alice had done, hiding my kill.

Then I turned and made my way toward her.

There was a part of me that was hesitant, but I had no idea why and I tried to stop it before it reached Alice.

Just as I reached her, I felt a wave of nerves emanating from Alice and I wondered at why she might be feeling that.

Her eyes opened and they washed over my features, taking in my emotions. I smiled at her and came closer, craving her proximity.

I sent out calm feelings toward her, knowing that she needed them and I wanted her to feel calm around me.

If she had been waiting for me for a year, hanging on my appearance, then I didn't want her to have such conflicting emotions.

She needed to feel free… just as I felt right now, in her presence.

"Thank you," she whispered and I sat down beside her against the tree trunk.

"That's alright, ma'am," I said reflexively.

She smiled at the name, before she answered me. "It's alright if you want to call me Alice, you know. I do believe that is acceptable, especially since we're mates."

Her apprehension, caution hit me as she spoke and it only increased as she waited for me to respond.

She glanced at my face, but I didn't pay attention to that.

I was reeling in her emotions; why was she so worried, so cautious?

Neither of us spoke as I tried to understand her and what she was feeling.

I knew why she was feeling it, logically… but that didn't mean that it didn't surprise me… confuse me.

Why would she feel that way around _me_?

We were of the same species… we were both vampires.

Not only that, but we also seemed to have some sort of… well, _connection_… right?

So… why would she feel that around me?

It didn't make sense.

_Alice_ looked at me and I could tell that she knew I was confused.

Eventually, I decided to just ask her what a 'mate' was.

But, before I could voice my question… Alice answered it.

And she did so with a knowing smile. "You've heard people talk about certain animals and how they find their 'mate', yes?

I didn't really think there was any need to say anything and I was already confused as to what this had to do with us, so I simply nodded.

Her line of questioning didn't stop there and she asked another one, "Well, they use that term because that partner will be their only partner for the rest of their lives."

I nodded again; I could understand what she was talking about now… but again, what did this have to do with us?

"It's the same for vampires. When vampires mate, they find the one person that they will spend the rest of their existence with."

She smiled then, and it looked so happy, so adorable and so worried that I couldn't help but smile back as I watched her elfin face.

And then… something changed within me.

It wasn't all that big, considering the other changes I had been through before but it was still big.

And suddenly, I understood _exactly _what she was getting at.

"So, it will be like that for us?"

She nodded, smiling again and my chest swelled because _I _had made her react like that. "Yes, I certainly hope so."

And just like that… confusion left me and I was just there in… _happiness_.

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**I have to tell you that naming these chapters is hard. Firstly, because Jasper's an empath... so that means he feels everything and mostly speaks through emotions, if you get what I mean. Second - which relates to the first one - it's all emotion; there's so many named here... you just have to find which is the most prevalent/profound emotion or the one that's the main focus... OR the one that's under everything that's being said.**

**With that noted, this one is called Realization... as you know. And it's a realization of many things.**

**Guess what those things are... or list them, whatever... and you get a sneak peek of the next chapter!**

**Please review and I'll see you next Saturday!**

**bexie25**


	6. Belonging

**Hello!**

**Soooooo... here's this chapter. Again, thank you very much to the two people who always review: Soni's Angel and Sarah v. You guys are amazing and this chapter is especially for you. You make me want to continue writing this story, which is not read my many people.**

**Those of you who have reviewed before - or never before - I thank you as well, but please - review so I know what you're thinking!**

* * *

There was no dullness to our conversation for even a moment, and after that surge on unexpected happiness, I wanted to know everything about what was happening right now.

First of all, however, I needed to know what we were going to do, and so I asked Alice – it made me smile just to think her name – just that.

When I did so, I picked up her hand and held it to my face.

I breathed in her sweet scent and then kissed it, letting our hands fall limp, but still firmly bound.

"We can't stay here and I really don't think I want to be constantly on the move anymore."

It was so strange… being able to say that.

Having the right to an opinion about what I did and when I did it… that freedom… was not something that I was used to and I revelled in it as I listened to Alice's response.

"I was going to ask you about that," she said, before sweetly biting her lip.

Simultaneously, I felt a surge of nerves hit me and I looked down at her, asking her why she felt that way.

I tried to sound comforting and picked up from her emotions that she did in fact find my voice soothing, but it didn't erase much of the worriedness.

"Around the time I entered Philadelphia, I had a vision," she said, her nerves spiking a little, but she continued. As she spoke, she looked at my hand as it held hers. " I had a vision of a vampire coven called the Cullens. "There are only five of them and I had a feeling that we would be joining them relatively soon… that we would _live_ with them."

Her words provoked a multitude of emotions from me.

Curiosity.

Want.

Freedom.

Most of all, I was happy.

Finally, I would have a family, friends; people that I would be able to have a stable, _real _relationship with.

I'd been so sure that that was impossible… especially with how Maria played me.

There was also the fact that I drank from human blood… I was sure that I was a monster… that I wouldn't be allowed to have happiness; a family, friends.

Alice looked up at me, noticing that I was smiling and smiled back.

"What is their diet?" I asked, curiosity settling into me and demanding answers.

"The blood of animals," she smirked, as if finding something funny. "Or as they call it: the vegetarian lifestyle."

I chuckled at that, but a strange kind of jealousy settled within me.

These people were so content that they were able to joke about their lifestyle.

I wanted that.

And for the first time, it felt like maybe… just maybe… I would have that.

But first, I needed to know if this was something Alice wanted.

"You want to live with them?"

She nodded and told me that she had a feeling that we belonged with them.

I revelled in that idea; the idea of _belonging _in a family… _belonging _with people.

I asked her for their names and she told me them… and much more.

Everything she'd picked up from her one vision.

She'd seen their relationships with each other…

Their names…

What they _looked _like...

Everything.

And I was very proud of my mate… not to _mention _stunned!

"You got all that from one vision?" I asked her, and she smirked proudly.

"Yes. I am just that good."

We laughed.

Our conversation changed topics then.

She asked me about my life before her, and I gladly told her.

She was quite jealous about Maria, whoever, and when I laughed she growled, telling me it was very funny.

I told her I couldn't help but laugh and that she was very cute…

… to which she poked her tongue out.

I couldn't help but laugh even harder, louder.

That in itself was unfamiliar.

I had no memories of doing that before… but I realized something.

Alice made me do that.

She gave me a reason to laugh…

She was my reason for everything.

And she always would be.

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**:)**

**Aaaand, that brings us to the end of chapter 3 of Reason to be Sane. I'm sorry if you find it similar to Reason to be Sane, but it's the companion - it has to be. It will be different when Jasper is thinking etc., and there will be some chapters that are very different (though dialogue will be the same, as will reactions etc. and conversations).**

**I hope you liked this... and please, review!**

**bexie25**


	7. Worry

**Hello Everyone**

**Ok, I know I said I'd update last week - in my drabble, that is - but I couldn't. I've had a stressful couple of weeks which was accompanied by my condition flaring up again, making it hard to concentrate on anything but pain and feeling like I'm about to be sick.**

**I'm not giving up on this story. I want to make that clear.**

**This story will get back to its normal updating schedule, but throughout the week I will get us up to date. Just as a side note, btw, this chapter will show you just how different this story can be in terms of thoughts etc. to _Reason to be Sane_.**

**Oh, and this story, as I'm sure you've gathered by what we've covered in just 7 chapters, is going to be longer than its companion. I just wanna say that now. We're probably looking at 40-50 chapters (or more, but not really all that likely).**

**See you down the bottom, please review and enjoy!**

* * *

My Alice was a very playful vampire.

I learned this over the next two weeks after we'd met.

We were forever playing games, running through the trees… trying to catch each other.

Essentially, the last two weeks had transpired with nothing but games.

And innocent touches, innocent caresses.

All perfectly chaste.

All perfectly… perfect.

And relieving, comforting even.

The one thing that we had not done that seemed… perhaps, needed or wanted – certainly from Alice, and of course, with great hesitation, from me – was that we had not kissed yet.

I hadn't kissed her and Alice was impatient for it, as was I in some way, at least.

I knew, deep within me, that I had no real reason to fear anything, however, because I could feel her compassion whenever I pulled away from her before our lips could meet.

And oh _dear_, had it been close.

So many times had our lips been mere centimetres, hell _millimetres apart_…

Only for me to stop… and pull back.

It happened every time and I knew exactly why.

Because then… _then_ that fear, that voice within me that wanted to take my time with her appeared.

It was alright the first few times… but soon, that voice became my worst enemy.

The reason why?

That voice was also the voice that told me, on many an occasion that I wasn't quite ready to proceed in our physical relationship was there.

It didn't matter how much I wanted to kiss her… to feel her lips against mine, her tongue against mine, to explore her.

I simply _wasn't ready_.

Of course, I knew it was more than that.

I was, damn me straight to hell for admitting it, but…

… I was _worried_.

Maria had been the first and last woman I'd ever kissed and it had turned out that she was playing me for my gift and fighting and training experience.

I knew, deep within my heart, that Alice wasn't like that.

I knew that she wasn't playing me…

But I was just so worried and scared that something would happen…

That something would happen and I'd lose her forever.

Even now, it shook me to merely think of it.

Shivers travelled, no, _shot _up my spine at the thought of Alice being ripped away from me.

I had come to love her, I knew that.

Hell, I'm sure I'd loved her from the moment I'd seen her.

And so to think that I may not have her for much longer… or that having her for too long – long enough for her to get bored of me – was forever in my mind.

It didn't matter that I understood what mating was.

I knew it was forever.

I knew it was irrevocable.

I _knew _that Alice and I would most likely end up being together forever, only ever wanting each other more than less as my mind worried.

But I couldn't shake off the feeling… and it was killing me.

Every time I pulled away from her… it killed me.

To see the slight rejection in her eyes – which was, of course, understandable and well justified – it damn well killed me!

And then, Alice had a vision.

* * *

**Though it doesn't look it, this chapter is actually just over 500 words, which means that it _is_ within the chapter word 'limits' or 'guidelines' for this story. This story will have chapters - as I said in chapter one - just like it was supposed to be in _Reason to be Sane_: between 500 and 1500 words.**

**Please, please, please review! I know I say that a lot, but I really mean it. There's still not as many reviews as I'd like but there's a little more people who've favourited and alerted that aren't reviewing! Even if its a smile, I don't mind!**

**Anyways... see you soon (before Saturday) for the next chapter... and the one after that.**

**bexie25**


	8. Hope

**Hello**

**So, I have a little treat for you...**

**You are getting two chapters today! You won't be getting them together, but expect the next one in a few hours, mm'kay?**

**I hope you like the surprise... and I must say, I hope you love this chapter because so far... it's my favourite.**

**Yes, my dears... we're finally up to 'the first kiss' chapter.**

**It's a kind of cliffy... but since you're getting another chapter today, you won't mind, will you?**

**See you down the bottom!**

* * *

When I heard her gasp, I paused, watching her.

Determining that she'd had a vision, I immediately got into action.

Our game of chase and kiss – peppering the face with kisses after catching the other – as I liked to call it, was immediately forgotten.

I was at her side before she could do anything else.

Her eyes were closed.

Her brow was furrowed… as if she was concentrating really hard on something.

I stood in front of her and gripped the top of her arms to get her attention.

"Alice, what did you see?"

She closed her eyes and frowned in concentration again, watching the vision for a second time, I presumed.

Seconds later, she opened her eyes.

Only to say one word as she smiled.

"Chicago."

Then she pulled me closer to her, happiness flooding within her as curiosity coursed through _me_.

"The Cullens just moved to Chicago… we can go find them there if you want."

I pulled back, needing to see her beautiful, elfin face.

She was happy, that much I could definitely see… and just the sight had me smiling.

I nodded. "Ok, whatever you want."

As soon as I said the words, I looked down.

I looked at the grass, the flowers, the tree trunks… the place that I had become to think of as my safe haven.

My safe haven with Alice.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?"

Alice's voice broke the sad, but happy silence.

My head snapped back up and I looked at her, realization hitting me with a force, simultaneously with hope.

A considerable amount of hope.

I swallowed, shaking my head. "Not seriously. A neck here or there from Maria… but I'd stop it before it led to anything else."

And that was when the realization made sense…

… and the hope.

I'd never felt this way for another being, never in either of my lives.

And Maria… well, even if I'd thought I'd been in love with her… my instincts of stopping her from kissing me showed me that I didn't.

But the realization?

Alice was my safe haven.

It wasn't this place, it was her.

She was the only thing that mattered.

The only thing that would ever make me happy.

She was what I lived for.

And that realization and the hope that flooded through me, wanting her to feel the same way about me…

It made me ready.

So when she asked me if I'd ever wanted to kiss someone… as in, really kiss someone… I couldn't stop myself.

I placed my hands on her hips, again swallowing as need and hope and love flooded through my being, making it sing with life.

She stood up on the tips of her toes and leaned in, her eyes darting between my eyes and my lips.

She licked her own and I couldn't help but respond.

I nodded slightly, answering her question.

"You," I mouthed.

She simply smiled… and then lightly, oh so lightly, she pressed her lips to mine.

* * *

**Told you. I love this chapter... so fuckin' sweet, don't you think?**

**Oh and just to let you know, the next chapter will probably bring us to the end of chapter 4, methinks. I know... 3 chapters of this story for 1 of the other's... but you guys wanted it different, so I'm making it as different as I can.**

**Now, to thank me for this prize for two chapters today... please review your heart out!**

**See you in a few hours for the second chapter! After that, we're all caught up!**

**bexie25**


	9. Bliss

**Hello**

**Who am I kidding?! Here's the next chapter - I finished it and couldn't resist giving it to you.**

**This, also, is one of my favourite chapters :)**

**Now, I know that in Alice's we glossed over – well, pretty much – the first kiss. Here, my lovely readers, we are not going to do that. This whole chapter is about that fucking kiss.**

**Oh and I think we have a little something towards the end of this chapter… *smirks***

* * *

Bliss.

Pure, unadulterated _bliss_.

With the feeling of Alice's lips moving against mine, I couldn't control myself.

This was beyond anything I'd ever felt.

Maria and her chaste, near-kisses on my cheek, my neck were nothing like this.

My being shifted, as did my goals, my needs, my reasons for being.

She was all I'd ever need in the world; that much, I'd known already.

But _this_… dear God, this was more.

So, so, so much more.

It was heaven and hell at the same time.

Heaven because of the feelings that were coursing through me; of love, want, need, fire, passion and _love_!

Hell because I knew that, in time, we would have to stop.

My arms wrapped around Alice's waist of their own accord, pulling tighter to me.

Massaging, squeezing and rubbing at the flesh of her tiny hips as she slithered her hands from my chest to my hair.

Her fingers clenched into my hair, tugging and I immediately understood what she wanted.

I tilted my head to one side as she tilted hers to the other and I breathed in through my mouth, opening it.

She immediately took advantage, and I growled as she moaned, thrusting her tongue into my mouth.

Our tongues danced, sucking the other's, rubbing against the roof of my mouth and then mine to hers.

Our breaths were shared; as I breathed in, Alice's breathed out and I sucked in the sweet taste of her breath… only for her to do the same when I breathed out.

It was a lifeline.

It was a need, a fire, a passion.

_I have to keep kissing her, _my mind thought violently, desperation at its peak and she whimpered, feeling my need as it fed her own.

We were panting, our emotions crazed.

Her feelings were impacting heavily on my own and I knew that I was thrusting every emotion of mine out on hers.

Such is the advantage and disadvantage, in a way, of being an empath.

Our bodies were coiled around each other, a fact that I realized with surprise.

I hadn't noticed that in the middle of our amazing kiss, we had wrapped our arms around each other, tightly, our hips and chests touching… and not softly.

We pulled away, the whole kiss seeming to last for a lifetime, but only really lasting forty seconds.

Our movements had seemed to be all done in our natural speed and it… well, it shocked me.

I kissed the spikes of her black raven hair as she buried her face in my chest, her emotions blissed out and triumphant.

I smiled at her emotions and whispered, "Thank you."

She was so happy that she was shaking in my arms, but she was strong enough to pull back.

She smiled softly, love in her eyes and I swallowed, overcome.

"That's alright, my love."

Standing here, looking in her eyes, I knew exactly what I needed to tell her.

It was really what I'd wanted to say, deep down, since I'd first seen her.

And now was the time.

"Alice," I said softly, and she pulled away again, having moved back to her former position in my arms.

The time was now.

I was nervous, but I built up enough courage to tell her.

"There's something I need to say, something that's been biting away at me the last week and I–"

Her eyes brightened.

"I love you," she said softly and I stopped, stunned.

A plethora of emotions coursed through me, sending fire and passion through me and I responded the only way I could.

"Precisely," I said, awe-struck.

I pecked her lips and, looking in her eyes, responded the only way I could.

The only way I would for the rest of our eternity together.

"I love you."

Yes, this was bliss.

* * *

**I love that last line.**

**Alrighty, we're all caught up! Now... unless the deep thoughts in your mind about the past two chapters! :)**

**Please review**

**bexie25**

**PS - See you next week!**


	10. Excitement

**Hello**

**So we're back with another chapter. It's not **_**so **_**late this time, but it is a day late and I'm sorry for that. I've been terribly busy, though I know that's no excuse. **

**See you down the bottom. Again, Jasper's thoughts steer off from chapter 5 of **_**Reason to be Sane **_**towards the end of this chapter… and you guys said it was similar *laughs***

**Go… read… **

* * *

Sometime later, when the sun had begun to set and the sky had become a range of organs, purples and pinks, I finally spoke again.

"When do you want to leave?"

Alice's breath hitched and I closed my eyes at the force of her emotions.

I could sense sadness, mostly… but also excitement.

"I don't know," she said thoughtfully. "But we need to leave soon… maybe in a couple of days?"

She pulled away from me and looked up at me.

She was so beautiful in this moment, so relaxed and I couldn't help my reaction.

I smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her.

It was short, but lingering and I could feel the after effects that it had on her as I whispered against her lips.

"I don't mind, love."

As soon as the endearment had left my mouth, Alice's emotions sky-rocketed; love, giddiness and happiness… all those good emotions that were just so _her_… hit me with an amazing force.

She smiled at me and the feelings she felt as she looked at me nearly brought me to my knees.

"Alice," I whispered, grasping her face passionately, roughly.

I brushed my lips against hers, resisting the urge to smash them against hers and kiss her giddiness out of her.

I was completely and utterly surprised, however, when _she _kissed _me _exactly the way I'd tried to avoid.

It took all my strength to resist taking her then, and I settled for my hand on her petit bottom.

Who knew that such a kiss would turn into a game?

Five minutes later, I was chasing her through the vigorous, thick woods and trees.

She, of course, knew every move I wanted to make.

However, she still couldn't best me.

I won… which in turn caused her to ignore me… for the few minutes that she could manage to do so.

The next couple of days were spent as so: we talked, we laughed and we played.

It was a sort of… coping mechanism.

It was soothing and enjoyable as we prepared ourselves for our future; an unknown, risky adventure.

And though I wasn't looking forward to having to acquaint myself with other vampires again after so many years of distrust… I would do it for Alice.

That didn't mean that I didn't want this as much as she did.

Of course I did.

I was just… nervous about the steps we'd have to take in order to get into the mindset that we needed to be in to succeed in drinking from animals.

Alice had already mastered it of course, but I hadn't.

And I was filled with apprehension because of that.

What if I made a fool of myself?

What if I drunk from a human?

It could well happen, in fact, I was sure that it _would _happen.

Alas, I had no answers and it scared me.

I was used to being on guard… but now, in joining with a family, I would have to release that tension, that fear of losing Alice if I was off guard...

And one thing was for sure… I'd have to make sure that Maria didn't find me.

* * *

**So, just a little foreshadowing about what's to come. This was actually a pretty easy chapter to write… I'm just sorry I hadn't gotten it up before now. **

**On other news, the voting stopped yesterday for The Top Ten Completed Fics of July and my drabble **_**How to Save a Life**_** got second place! Thanks to all who reviewed, though I know most of you don't actually read this story… **

**Please review**

**See you next week!**

**bexie25**


	11. Sadness

**Hey Everyone**

**Sorry this was late, FF was misbehaving.**

**This chapter focuses on their leaving their "safe haven". That was a scene that wasn't explored in Reason to be Sane, rather mentioned at the end of chapter 5. I thought I'd explore it because Jasper wanted to and because I wanted to give you an example of how this story is different to Reason to be Sane.**

**I named this chapter "Sadness" because I felt that that was the emotion under everything here. Their sadness at leaving their safe haven.**

**I hope you like this chapter... I do. I think... I dunno... there's just something special about it, y'know? I wonder if you'll be able to tell me what is.**

* * *

"It's time, Jasper."

I frowned, and looked at Alice.

She was standing a few yards away from me, her back turned to me.

Because I didn't know what her expression was, I paid closer attention to her emotions and frowned.

There was longing and sadness, but there was also a sense of… eagerness, I supposed.

"Alice?"

She sighed and turned to me.

"It's time to go, Jasper, really, it is. They've just gotten settled and travelling will be easier if we leave now rather than in a few days."

I sighed, too, now understanding her emotions.

Of course, the longing and sadness was for leaving this place.

It had become our safe haven, our bliss, and to leave it was to leave the known and face the unknown.

"Are you sure, Alice?"

She turned to me and smiled, her spiky hair blowing slightly in the breeze.

She looked beautiful.

She took my breath away.

She smiled as she felt what I was feeling and I realised that I'd been projecting the emotion because of how strongly I'd felt it.

I smiled in spite of myself.

It wasn't the first time I'd reacted so strongly to Alice's beauty… or anything about her, for that matter.

Alice was suddenly before me and she sat sideways on my lap.

Out of instinct, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her tighter to me.

"I love you," she whispered softly, her eyes looking into mine, so deeply it was as if she were seeing my soul.

"I love you, too, darlin'," I said and not for the first time, Alice responded physically as well as emotionally to my southern drawl.

When she was again in control of herself – and I in control of _me_ – she climbed off my lap and pulled me up with her.

"We do need to go, Jasper," she said, but I could see the sadness she felt; I could feel it.

It was easy to see, to read off her.

Her bottom lip was trembling.

Her eyes were wide, the light wiped from her eyes, leaving her true feelings underneath.

Then there was her throat.

She was swallowing.

Every few seconds, she'd swallow and her breath hitched.

I pulled her into my arms, unable to face her pain, her sadness.

If she was sad, I was sad.

I knew that was part of this mating thing – something I was still struggling to wrap my head around.

It wasn't that I didn't love Alice… because I did.

I loved Alice with everything I had in me.

It was more that… I just couldn't understand why she'd want me.

But my attention moved in on her as she trembled in my arms and my arms constricted around her at the sign of her emotion.

"We'll come back, Alice," I whispered fiercely in her ear.

My voice was filled with determination and promise.

Because I would not back down; one way or another, regardless of how long it took us, we would come back to the special place that would forever have a place in our dead hearts.

This place, this clearing, did not only feel like our true home to Alice – as wild and non-suburban as it was.

It was my home as well; or at least, it was the physical representation of where I'd met my home… where I'd met my heart's home.

It was where I'd first spent time with Alice.

It was where we'd first said our "I love you's", we're we'd first kissed.

Where I'd first realised that I would forever want and need and love this little elfin darlin' in my arms.

It was where I'd first realised that maybe I wasn't such a monster.

That maybe… maybe Alice was right.

That maybe… just _maybe_… I deserved Alice.

And finally, that I didn't have to feed on humans to live.

I didn't have to put myself through that torture ever again.

So yes, this place held a special place in my heart.

It forever would.

And so as Alice and I walked away, arms wrapped around each other, I planned our next visit.

This place forever would be our safe haven.

And it was with great sadness that we now parted with it.

* * *

**Did you figure out what that "special something" was?**

**No? That's ok... I guess it shall just forever remain a mystery. *Smacks forehead against desk***

**Anyways... I'll see you next Saturday. **

**:)**

**Please review,**

**bexie25**


	12. Hunger

**Hello**

**So, I'm not sure that hunger could be classified as an emotion, but that's what I think it should be called. So I'm saying that Hunger CAN be an emotion.**

**The chapter's name - hunger - is self-explanatory if any of you remember what happened in chapter 6 of **_**Reason to be Sane**_**. If not, that's ok. **

**In this chapter, Jasper faces hunger for human blood again as they buy a car.**

**That's all I'm saying and that's the explanation for why this chapter is so damned big.**

**Remember, I said that chapter could be anywhere between 500 and 1500 words long. This chapter's just 150 words away from the full limit: 1500.**

* * *

The forest was silent as we ran through it.

We, too, were silent; we said nothing as we ran at our natural speed.

After a few miles, Alice spoke.

"Jazzy?"

I smiled, looking at her.

"Yes, darlin', what is it?"

She looked at the dirt beneath her feet as she spoke. "Well, I was thinking… how long will it take to get to Chicago?"

She looked at me, scrutinising my face as I thought about it for a moment.

"Not too long. If we make four short stops – each of around an hour – perhaps a day exactly."

We discussed it for a short time, and I suggested that we buy that Porsche car that came out this year.

She nodded, pride coming through as I read her feelings.

"Well then, we need to find a car dealer now," I said and she frowned.

"Jazz, we need money to pay for a car," she said, confusion now the dominant emotion she was feeling.

I smiled at her.

A few days before I'd entered Philadelphia, I'd killed my last _human _victim.

For whatever reason, on that victim was a hefty – and I mean _hefty_ – amount of money and in my haste and practice of these things… I had stolen it.

Not wanting to divulge this, however, to my darlin', elfin mate, I simply said: "I've got it, darlin'."

She frowned, confused, but I shook my head, still smiling.

She dropped the subject, shrugging.

I smiled as we ran for the town.

Again, we were silent.

As we got closer to town, and especially when we entered it, I was more and more nervous.

In town, there would be people.

I used to eat – or rather, _drink_ – from people for tea.

And to buy a car, we'd need to face humans.

In person.

We'd have to speak to said humans.

That worried me considerably.

Since I'd vowed to stay with Alice and love her, I'd vowed to keep from feeding of humans.

It was for the both of us: Alice didn't want to be a killer and neither did I.

That alone brought forth the worrying question: would I be able to control myself?

Unfortunately, the truth of the matter was that I had no idea.

When we reached the car dealership – the only one in this town – I took Alice's hand, in need of her confidence.

As if sensing that – as if _she _was able to read _my _emotions – she squeezed it before leading us both forward.

"Let me handle this, my love," she whispered to me.

I thanked my lucky stars – though I'd previously been sure that I'd had none – for her in that moment.

I cursed myself, however, when I realized that I'd have to hold my breath.

Doing so would mean I'd have to breathe _in_.

I clenched my eyes closed as I opened my mouth and sucked in a deep breath.

Immediately, I wanted nothing more than to growl and take that man from behind the desk.

I wanted to throw him down and bite down on his neck.

I wanted to suck his blood from his throat, and let it's surely wonderful taste fill me, satisfy me.

My muscles coiled, ready to spring into action.

The growl was already vibrating in my chest, but thankfully it was low enough that Alice wouldn't hear it.

It was bad enough that she'd _feel _it.

My thoughts focused on what was to be my next victim, but I fought against it.

_No_.

_I need… I just… I just _need_– _

_NO!_

I squeezed Alice's hand for a minute, clenching my eyes closed even tighter.

There was only one thing that I was feeling right now.

_Hunger_.

And I knew that until I was able to get out of here and breathe in cleansing, clean air, I'd feel that hunger and that hunger only.

When I was sure, I let Alice know and she let go of my hand.

She walked toward the desk, where the man was waiting.

"Hello sir," she said to the middle-aged man. "My…"

I could hear her hesitation as she tried to come up with a good 'label' for me.

"… Boyfriend," she eventually decided, though I could feel her discontent at the unsatisfying, lame term, "and I are looking to buy a _1948 Porsche 365_. Do you happen to have any in stock?"

The man stuttered a little and I closed my eyes as I heard him shuffle around the papers on the desk.

"Yes, I do," he said after a few moments. "Please… come this way."

I walked forward and took Alice's hand before we followed him through to a room full of cars.

He babbled on.

I could tell that he was actually quite passionate about his job as he spoke about the car's exterior and interior features.

I paid close attention when he began to talk about choices in colour.

"Now," he said, "we have a few different colours you can pick from. There's the white, the silver, the black, the red… and the pale blue."

He looked back at us then, leaving the decision to us and I immediately looked down at Alice.

I opened my mouth, my hunger spiking to new, agonizing heights as I tasted the scent of the human man in front of me.

_Kids. _

_He's got kids, a wife, surely._

I thought to myself desperately.

Surely thinking about them as people and not food would help somewhat!

I hid my hunger as I spoke to my love.

"Darlin'?" I said softly, "it's your pick."

I immediately clamped my mouth shut, but the dazzling, bewitching smile on Alice's face was enough for me.

"The pale blue, please," she chirped, stepping forward and I moved with her.

I hated that my muscles were still coiled, ready to spring and I chose to ignore it.

Surely, that would work.

Wouldn't it?

I focused on Alice as she asked the man to have the car ready as soon as he could.

When he admitted that he wasn't sure that it was possible, she asked for his name.

_Michael Newton_.

Surely, this Michael had family… and if I killed him, I'd leave those people without a family member.

_Control yourself, _I commanded myself desperately.

When my sweet Alice bribed him with a larger sum of money, I forced myself to think.

_How much money did I have again?_

I calculated it, and summed it up.

I definitely had enough.

That old man had really had way too much money on his person.

Soon enough, Alice and I walked out the door, with Alice saying a mere "good day, sir."

As soon as we were out of there, I took a deep breath.

_Ah. _

_Clean air, finally._

* * *

**I know the ending was a little hasty, but if I'd dragged on in perfect detail about all of chapter 6 – and yes, that covered a WHOLE CHAPTER of Reason to be Sane – then we'd exceed the limit for the chapter and I would've had to have split it.**

**You wouldn't have wanted that.**

**I'll see you all next week.**

**Please leave me some big love for the BIG chapter.**

**:)  
**

**Please review**

**bexie25**


	13. Eagerness

**Hello everyone,**

**Wow, you guys. Another chapter with nearly 1000 words. You guys are so lucky!**

**I think everyone can remember the epic fail that chapter 7 was. It was under 500 words… I think probably half of that, actually and it was because I'd nearly fallen to sleep when I remembered that I'd forgotten to finish and update the chapter.**

**Feeling bad, I just gave you the chapter after finishing it off a little.**

**Here is the chapter – in Jasper's POV – a little more thoroughly explored. It'll hopefully make up for that chapter's disgrace. **

* * *

Alice's hand was on my back, rubbing, the entire time I inhaled… or gulped, I supposed, if that was possible… the fresh, clean air.

As I breathed, I sent up to the God that most likely didn't exist – if the existence of vampires was anything to go by – a thank you.

The air was clean only because of the recent rain, which had washed away any scents that may have been filtered through it.

With each drag of breath – smooth, deep, soothing drags – I felt my body calm and loosen.

The tension left my body, my predator – the monster that wanted that innocent man's blood – slowly leaving me.

My muscles loosened and I felt almost weak.

But rather than hate it… I revelled in it.

Where I used to think that such a thing was ignorant and stupid, I was now glad that I could calm myself.

I was glad that I felt weak.

If this diet meant that I actually had a choice in whether I hurt others or not, if it meant that I wouldn't have to feel their pain and terror as I drunk from them… then I considered it to be a godsend.

And I was also happy that I couldn't feel animals' emotions.

That would leave me with no hope in the world.

That very thought brought a chuckle to my lips, breathy as it was.

Finally, I'd calmed down enough that I felt almost… normal… almost human.

No longer was I having any irrational, blood-crazed thoughts… the very things that I once revelled in.

No longer were my muscles coiled, my body ready to pounce on my prey… something that used to make me smile like the devil.

I heaved a sigh of relief, leaving my thoughts for the moment and turning to face Alice.

She smiled at me, her eyes so beautiful that I felt as if I was falling into them.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I'd never felt this calm before…

Either way, she was so beautiful in that moment that I kissed her.

My hands cupped her face, her hands moving to my hair and I growled – making her growl – when she tugged.

We moaned as our tongues barely touched but Alice was then pulled into a minor vision.

"We should probably move," she said to me and I looked at her.

"Why?" I said, not really wanting to move from this spot.

She grinned. "Because I don't really think that people would consider this–" she waved a hand between the two of us "–appropriate… would you?"

I sighed and let go of all of her but a hand, "I suppose you're right."

She giggled at me, making me smile, and grabbed my hand.

She tugged on it and in the next millisecond we were racing into the woods.

As soon as we were in the depths of the woods, all alone – well, except for the abundance of animals – she turned on me and grabbed me.

Kissing me deeply, our more animalistic sounds were let out.

A few growls and hisses were released as we clawed and grabbed at each other.

We wanted closer, but were unable to get there.

The next perhaps forty-five minutes were spent waiting.

Alice was excited.

And of course, by 'excited' I mean 'giddy'.

I think it was mostly the fact that we were getting a car.

Or maybe it was also the fact that we were going to be on our way to the Cullens – our destined coven (Alice's words) – in just under an hour.

Either way, she was more hyper than usual.

She could barely contain her excitement when a vision showed her that the car was ready.

She dragged me along with her back out of the woods and into town, seemingly bopping as she ran.

We crossed the road and walked a few blocks to the shop.

"What about registration?" I asked her as we rounded the corner.

She smiled up at me, "Mr Newton was going to take care of all that; he told me could and the $5000 just enforced that, I'm sure."

She had the sexiest, sweetest smirk on her face and I smiled, kissing the top of her head.

"My clever girl," I purred, smiling with satisfaction when her breath stuttered.

I tried to ignore it when she licked her lips… but it was so hard.

Pun intended.

I was distracted however as we reached the doors and I sucked in a deep breath when Alice opened them, pushing hard.

"Mr Newton," she said and I let her talk as I focused on not breathing in the tempting scent of the man's blood.

Kids, wife, family… a life.

That was the only thing that would keep him alive.

"I trust that the car is registered and ready to go?"

The sound of the old man's gulp made me laugh, but I at least made sure to moderate the volume so he couldn't hear it.

"Yes," he finally said, "I can assure you that there will be no problems."

"Thank you," my darlin' chirped.

"Follow me to your car, please," he said and we followed.

The sight of the car in front of us, with the keys in the ignition, affected me.

It was… strange… but there was just something about the fact that we owned a car.

I couldn't put a name – funnily enough – to what I was feeling, but I imagined it was a type of awe.

I owned this car.

It was mine.

Or rather… it was _ours_.

Alice handled the goodbyes and soon, we were sitting in the car.

Alice let me drive and in a second, we were speeding out of the car dealership, on our way to the Cullens house in Chicago.

* * *

**Sorry this was late. I was pretty busy the last couple of days and I didn't have internet connection. When I did, I was too tired to write anything. **

**Please review and I'll see you next week… on SATURDAY, I promise. ;)**

**bexie25**


	14. Interest

**Hello!**

**It's Saturday... so here's the next chapter!**

**Thanks for reviewing everyone! I know not many read this story, so to have these many reviews is really heart-warming. :D**

**Now, I hope you like this chapter... it's definitely better than Alice's version... but that's just my opinion.**

**See you down the bottom!**

* * *

Driving my first car, with my mate by my side, was an exhilarating experience.

I had to keep telling myself to keep my eyes on the road, though I knew with vampire reflexes it wasn't essential.

All I really wanted to look at was my Alice.

The wind was up, beating against our faces, but it felt nice rather than uncomfortable.

The first hour or so was aggravating.

I had to really pay attention to road whilst I weaved through the traffic – there were few cars, but I knew I still had to be careful.

Alice had the most beautiful smile on her face, something I knew because I could feel her overwhelming happiness… as well as all the usual and now-suspected emotions that she felt.

It only added to my own feelings, and as we drove through city after city and town after town – only stopping for petrol – it was merely us, the country and the music that played from the radio.

"You know, my love," I said as we listened to the commentary a man was giving between songs. "They only started installing radios into cars in the 1930's."

I had no idea why I was telling her this, but I kept going as I felt her interest and curiosity.

"The men who came up with the idea were Paul and Joseph Galvin, of the company _Galvin Manufacturing Corporation _and their first model is actually called _Motorola._"

From the corner of my eye, I saw Alice smile.

The next thing I felt was her hand running lightly through my hair and the sensation made me purr in delight – something I'd never done before.

When Alice spoke, her voice was soft. "I didn't know; it's very interesting."

There was silence for a few minutes.

Her comment about 'not knowing' – despite the fact that many humans and people throughout the world of any species knew because of radio and news that went around – had struck a chord within me.

It piqued my interest, and before I could stop myself, I asked her.

"Does it bother you, Alice?"

I wasn't sure how she'd react, so I was a little hesitant.

She frowned, something I only saw from the corner of my eyes as I was not looking at her deliberately.

I was relieved when I felt nothing but confusion emanating from her.

If there'd been anger, I would have immediately dropped the subject… though I was, of course, interested and hoping that she'd answer.

"Does what bother me, my darling?" Alice asked.

"Not knowing," I said, glancing at her as I leaned back in the seat, concentrating intently on the road. "Not knowing anything from your past as a human."

She sat back and I tried to give her as much privacy as I could.

When she answered, her voice was accepting, light.

"There's nothing I can do about it, darling, it's out of my hands; I never thought about it. I only wondered what I had been like… how I ended up like this… a vampire. It was strange… to think that I was a vampire, but I didn't really question or mull over it all that much. It's what I am. I can't help what or who I am."

I smiled at her, happy that she felt that way.

But I was also envious.

If only I could feel that way about _my _past.

Whoever said that ignorance is bliss must really know what they're talking about, because Alice, in that moment, was blissfully happy.

And I knew, in time, I'd at least be able to come to terms with my past.

But now… now it was something that wasn't to be dwelled on.

Right now, my place and my thoughts were on my mate… and our future.

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**I'm developing PDF's of my stories... all the completed ones are already PDF's and the incomplete are compiled and formatted in a word doc.**

**Also, just wondering... for the sequel, should it be written in Jasper POV or Alice POV? **

**Please review and I'll see you next week!**

**PS - This was most of chapter 8: Journey. The rest and some or all of chapter 9 will be covered next week. The rest of chapter 8 of _Reason to be Sane _was just general stuff that took up the rest of their travelling.**


	15. Nerves

**Hello!**

**Here's the next chapter. I wasn't sure where to end it, so it's not all that long... just shy of 600 words.**

**:) Here's the Cullens... well, Carlisle anyways!**

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As soon as we entered Chicago, Alice's excitement melted away – well, mostly – into concentration.

I knew instantly that she was going to focus on seeing where exactly they were.

That realisation made all of this feel so must more _real_ and I was starting to feel nervous.

We were about to meet the people that were either going to turn us away in disgust, or take us in with love.

It was a very strange, unfamiliar thought; in my last near-century alone, I had never come so close as to feel what it was like to have a family.

To think that we could be turned away was nerve-wracking.

But to think that we could be taken in was… something else entirely.

I simply couldn't explain it.

Suddenly, Alice gasped.

I looked at her immediately, my eyes studying her face and I knew she was seeing somethin' new.

Her eyes were closed and there was an effortless smile on her face; in a word, she was beautiful.

I also knew that whatever this vision was showing her… it was good.

Without a word about the vision, she began to direct me to their house and soon enough, we were sitting idle in front of it.

We quickly got out and walked toward the door.

Alice wrapped her arm around my waist and I smiled to myself as she knocked on the door.

Soon, the door was opened by a blonde vampire… someone that, from Alice's descriptions, would have to be none other than Carlisle, the leader of this coven.

"Hello Carlisle," Alice said.

Instantly, Carlisle was filled with several different emotions.

Mistrust.

Curiosity.

Shock.

Anxiety.

Worry.

These were to name a few.

Alice was so excited that I had to use my powers to calm her down and she flashed me a smile before she continued speaking as if this Carlisle was an old friend.

"I'm Alice and this is my mate, Jasper. We were hoping to join you and your family."

If I hadn't been so nervous, I would have laughed.

Alice sure was blunt and from my gift, I could tell that Carlisle's previous feelings had increased.

Even so, he invited us in and we walked through the door, looking around.

Alice seemed to know where she was going, and she led us through to the lounge room.

As we sat down on one of the lounges, Alice looked around.

Alice looked at Carlisle directly, who was still standing and eyeing us. She smiled, "this is a very beautiful room; the furniture really works together well."

Through all of his emotions, he still smiled pleasantly. "Thank you. My wife put it together; she loves interior design."

As he spoke of his mate, his eyes and feelings softened and I felt a love that was similar to the one I felt for my elfin Alice.

I smiled to myself, the feelings spreading through me in ease as they calmed my nerves for just a moment.

Alice continued on with her conversation.

"Well, tell Esme that she's wonderful at it; or better yet, I'll tell her when she returns with Rosalie… I take it Edward and Emmett are hunting, right?"

Carlisle's anxiety was paramount, then and it wasn't doing anything to help my own feelings of worry and nerves.

He frowned and was just about to speak when the door flew open.

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**Those who read Reason to be Sane know who's just arrived, but I'm not saying anything!**

**Please review and I'll see you next week!**

**bexie25**


	16. Cautious

**Hello**

**So, this is one of those rare chapters that is really hard to name. Did you know that to feel guarded isn't actually an emotion? Yeah, well... it isn't.**

**Anger was the word that most came up, but that was to describe Rosalie's attitude.**

**This is one of the two chapters due tonight.**

**Anyways, I'll see you down the bottom!**

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Alice and I stood immediately when a woman with caramel coloured hair entered the room, accompanied by a striking blonde.

Both felt curiosity, but the blonde was the one to feel protective and even suspicious and distrusting of us.

Alice didn't really help that when she spoke.

"Hello Esme. And hello to you, too, Rosalie, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Rosalie's anger overshadowed everything else she felt, but her distrust was growing still.

On instinct, I was standing in front of Alice, ready to protect her if need be.

But she spoke straight to my mate, "how do you know our names? And who are you two, anyway?"

"It's really a rather long story," Alice said, totally ignoring the probable threat that this Rosalie presented. "Shall we wait for Edward and Emmett? They should return rather soon from their hunting, I imagine."

I couldn't help but chuckle at Alice's cavalier sentence; she didn't imagine they'd be back soon – she knew it.

I straightened, showing my full height as the two females came forward to stand in front of Carlisle.

Carlisle was the only one to speak.

"I think it would be best if you were to tell us now and we'll inform the others when they arrive."

Alice seemed to agree with him, and so we sat on the couch.

Alice was the first to tell them her story.

Because she did not know much of it, it was rather brief and only filled with what she'd done before finding me.

She informed them slyly of her visions, but they let her continue.

I could feel the three of them warming up to us and by the time Alice was speaking of her vision of them, they were smiling sweetly.

I could also feel my darlin's worry and nerves, but their accepting nature calmed her as she finished her story.

"The man in my other two visions was the man that is sitting next to me right now; my Jazzy."

I looked at her and kissed her cheek, unable to help myself.

I told them my story, not editing anything.

I was thoroughly and pleasantly surprised when they accepted my story without anger or weariness… or rather, their weariness and Rosalie's anger did not increase, but seemed to lessen somewhat.

When I reached the end of my life story, I said:

"And now we want to know if we can join you? I promise to you that I will continue with this lifestyle and that we will both live the way you do. We will help protect the family, because as soon as we arrived here, we both felt like we belonged here. May we join you and your family?"

And I meant every word I said.

There was no way that I could stop this lifestyle now, for it made me feel like less of a monster.

And I really wanted to join their family, too… I truly feel as if I've found a true family… not a coven, a _family_.

That was something rare in the vampire world.

We got up and Alice spoke, bouncing with both excitement and nerves.

"We'll give you time to discuss it. We will be outside when you reach your answer."

With that, we turned and walked out the door.

We quickly got into the car and once more, we're forced to wait.

Our future hanging in the balance – in the Cullens hands.

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**See you soon!**

**Please review**

**bexie25**


	17. Happiness

**Hello again!**

**And here's the second chapter that I owe you! I hope you like it!**

**See you down the bottom!**

* * *

It didn't take long for them to come to their decisions and as soon as they did, Alice squealed.

And then she proceeded to kiss me… thoroughly and gleefully.

I chuckled, but if we were to get through this, I knew I'd have to calm her… so I did.

I was about to say something along the lines of "don't spoil it for them – they're bound to get a little antsy if you pounce on them" when we were interrupted by Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle, who were all standing outside of our car.

Alice beamed happily at them and I sighed, unable to contain my happiness as I felt hers.

She got out of the car and hugged each other them, catching them by surprise as she chanted two simple words.

Thank you.

Carlisle looked to me for answers and I shrugged.

"Visions; she saw your decisions before you came out."

We walked into the house, Rosalie disappearing to the garage as Esme and Carlisle walked with us up the stairs.

"We have only one more room," Esme said, smiling apologetically as she pointed out other rooms as we walked by them. "I'm going to have to apologise, the room isn't that nice, but I am quite sure that you could use Edward's. He doesn't really mind what room he has."

We arrived at what I was sure was Edward's room.

Esme did not have to open the door as it was already open and as soon as Alice saw it, she smiled.

I liked it as well and when my darlin' looked at me, I smiled at her.

We kissed quickly then turned to the parental figures of this family.

"Are you sure he won't mind?"

Alice asked and I felt as if I were drowning in her hope.

I chuckled and said, "darlin', I'm sure you would see that for yourself, can't you?"

She lightly smacked my arm, quipping, "I want to know what _they _think, Jasper Whitlock."

I was so amused by her adorable anger that I had to press my lips together so I didn't laugh.

Esme did not fair as well, for she did laugh before she replied to my mate.

"No, he won't mind, I assure you. This was the house he lived in as a human, but he didn't want to stay in his room. None of us would take it, so he had to take it; I'm sure he'll be shocked, but he'll thank you."

Esme's sadness hit me, and I smiled internally at her motherly love and protectiveness.

It was very new – to be surrounded by this depth of feeling.

The emotions of the other vampires I'd met were nothing like this.

It was a welcome relief to what they were thinking, that was for sure.

Despite this, however, we four laughed at Edward's expense.

"But he will want to put his room together, so please just put his boxes in the garage. Carlisle and I are in his human parents' room, just at the end of the hall.

And with that, they left us to explore our new room.

I walked in with Alice, and was unable to feel anything but happiness as I revelled in the notion that I had a family.

I had a place where I belonged.

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**I didn't really like the last two chapters, but they were pretty Jasper-y... quite emotion-filled, eh?**

**I'll see you next Saturday - leave me some love!**

**bexie25**


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